Shifting from upset to inner peace

Today I began with my reflection of what is suffering. Better yet, more poignantly, I got stuck in my upset of WHY is there suffering. On a souls level, I get it. I understand the aspect of contrast, choice and of curriculum. I understand that our souls come to earth school to experience everything and to see the contrast. That part I “get”. But I’m also aware that when I am deeply in my humanness and judgment of right and wrong, the “supposed to” and “not supposed to” that from here, the concepts that on a souls level I “get”, I seem to only get when I’m aligned and thus currently have no meaning. As Abraham Hicks says “you can’t get there from here”. I began my day opening emails from the beautiful animal loving groups I’ve come to appreciate deeply for their tireless dedication and loving servive to help the abused and forgotten. Usually I can read these emails and show up in my loving, but today, I noticed I read them from a place of judgement against the system that I angrily deemed not to protect the innocent from a repeat offender. I judged the system as uncaring and broken and then moved to an anger level against the sociopath who killed (again) and then up to God. I watched myself look up at the ceiling cursing God, “your system is broken. How can you allow this to happen again and again?!?”

I moved to a Ram Dass book on awakening, I just received as a gift and “randomly” opened to a page on suffering. I quickly looked within for wisdom and saw that he too from his humanness wrote that at times he finds himself cursing the “system” and saying to himself “If I were God, I wouldn’t have suffering”.

I felt slightly better knowing that even a master teacher like Ram Dass at times has the similar feelings of frustration and desire for things to be different.

I realized that I needed to stop reading from the space I was in at that moment, aware that I was looking for proof of a flawed system and of my own upset and righteousness, “see even Ram Dass got pissed at the broken suffering system…” As my ego was basically energetically high fiving Ram Dass’ ego, Abraham’s words came into my head again, “you can’t get there from here” this time followed by Buddha’s “wherever you go, there you are”.

Ugghh again, reminded that as always, it was completely an inside job. My mind shifted for a brief moment to what that meant… if it’s an inside job, which I know it to be, then that means that I can CHOOSE to escort out my experience of suffering about the suffering or choose to continue to marinate and live in it. A part of me felt more annoyed while a part of me was intrigued by my available choices. I realized that even though I can’t immediately change anything about the dogs nor the guy, nor God’s system, but that I could choose to focus inwards and choose instead a positive thought. Even a small one was upward from where I currently was.

From my life experiences and professional training, I know that we can’t be in our loving and our fear at the same time – that the two are mutually exclusive. I also know that huge shifts from a place of upset are usually completely unlikely. Though of course, nothing is impossible.

I moved to the balcony and set my timer for 8 mins for a gratitude meditation. It began slowly, I’m grateful for my balcony, for my chair, my healthy body sitting in the chair, the sunshine on my face, for the water beside me, the sound of plates and people eating, that people have food to eat, that I have food to eat, that my beautiful dogs have food to eat, that my rescue dogs are safe, that loving people rescued my dogs for me , that there are loving brave people who care to rescue dogs and that there are loving dogs brave enough to be rescued and brave enough to on a soul level, choose a path of suffering in order to give loving people the opportunity to remember their own ability to be loving…… ahhhh I could feel my entire central nervous system relax, liberated from the judgement and deeply connected (reconnected) with my knowing and belief in the “system”.

I heard Abraham’s delighted voice in my head “you CAN get there from here. “.


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